About me? Oh my god, where do I start?

Well, I’m SUPER popular of course. Everyone wants to be my friend, so the waiting list is like, THIS LONG! I’m witty and clever. I am THE fashion leader at Landfill Public School. And the teachers, well they just adore me!

I have two SPECIAL PROJECTS, and they’re called Sascha and Luca. My shadows. They follow me everywhere and they’re just the WORST THING for my image! But if being around me lets them feel good about themselves, can I deny them that? Should I?

Luca even writes poems about me! Here's one that I found under his desk. It was on the floor I mean.

God I wouldn’t go SNOOPING! That would be SO beneath me!

Mary-Alice lives next to the Hall
In a palace so lovely and tall. She's the light of my life. Never trouble or strife
Oh my god and we're neighbours and all

I had to change some of the words because they didn’t make sense the way  he had them. Poor Luca! He tries to express himself but it doesn’t always come out the way he means it.

Now me, I’m ALWAYS expressing myself and I’m so good at it. I express myself as much as I can, every chance I get. And people listen to me. It's like I have a responsibility, to INFORM people, and be a guide. Especially for Luca and Sascha. Oh my god I’m forever getting them out of trouble and it’s ALWAYS because of something Sascha’s invented! Here’s a picture from when he brought a time machine to school …

But enough of them! This page is about ME - Mary-Alice Cooper, celebrity, icon, role model … I live in THE biggest house in ANYWHERE! It’s like, architect-designed. Vogue Magazine is always begging to come in and take pictures and I’m like, No Mother, I need my PRIVACY! And Vogue is all like, Oh please let us in and I just have to put my foot down.

Must go. My shadows will be waiting for me.